Meagan the Dog Whisperer

Now that the CureTour is done, Ryan and I have successfully relinquished our roles as "roadies" and "perpetual travelers". (For now, at least). Frankly, although we had a blast, we are glad to be done and finally settled in our apartment in Coconut Creek with our pretty red couch, new mattress, approximately 42,000 boxes... and our dog Tyson.

While we're on the subject... Tyson is truly a delight. He's affectionate, cuddly, frisky and a boatload of fun.

However!

He has come to the conclusion that Daddy (Ryan) is the Leader of the Pack and he (Tyson) comes next. Mommy (me) is so obviously at the very bottom of the totem pole, which means that Tyson feels entitled to boss me around by attempting to jump on my head and gnawing ferociously on various exposed body parts. Also by "marking" all over the apartment (complete with no longer quite so Brand. New. Carpet.) This included a lovely festival of feces in the bedroom. Fun, FUN!

Actually, this is totally my fault. I am a big old softie which should come as no surprise to anyone. Thanks to me, Tyson took on the role of Master, as I caved to his every whim, so I have been practicing saying firmly, "No! I am the Alpha Dog, Tyson! NO! I AM THE ALPHA DOG, DAMMIT!!!" This, you will not be surprised to learn, has not been entirely effective.

The larger issue, though is Tyson pretty much hates (HAAAATES!) any person that is not Grandma, Grandpa, Daddy or Mommy. He also hates: big dogs, small dogs, medium sized dogs, cats, the television, fireworks, the washing machine, the garbage disposal, the dishwasher, the dryer, the garbage truck, the hair dryer, and pretty much anything else that otherwise moves or makes noise. We've been practicing desensitization activities (which for Daddy entails watching lots and lots of college basketball) and now we no longer feel we have to throw all of our electrical appliances in the dumpster and move to Outer Mongolia).

The hating (HAAAATING!) of the people and fellow members of the Animal Kingdom is taking some time, though.

Clearly we had to take some action. So, our first step in ensuring we will have a friendly, non-threatening household pet, was to have him neutered. Now, I know that this may cause many men (and my mom) to cringe but Bob Barker is totally right, y'all. If you're not going to breed your pet, spaying or neutering them is one of the kindest things you can do for them. It reduces the likelihood of numerous health problems (including cancer), makes the pet more affectionate and friendly and also eliminates the possibility that your pet will unwittingly increase the animal population.

Tyson, it hardly needs to be said, did not like the vet. In fact, all the barking, snarling and lunging led the vet to inform us "You have an aggressive dog here. He's going to require a lot of work". Faced with that news, we did what any normal parents do when they're told their son or daughter is failing Algebra or Home Economics. We cried. Not, like, at the vet or anything. But later. But when we picked him up post-surgery, he was noticeably more relaxed. Granted, he's not quite at the point of leaping joyously into the laps of strangers, licking their faces and whining with delight. But at least, he's not all "The Hound of the Baskervilles", causing people to go "Aieeeeee!" and run in the opposite direction either.

The other thing we've done is found an awesome trainer who spent a few hours with Ryan and me yesterday morning teaching us (and Tyson) the Heel and Sit commands. To you this may not sound so special. But for two people who no longer have to shove their arms back in their sockets after taking him for a walk, this is nothing short of miraculous. He walks at our sides, people! This is, like, Christmas and the 4th of July and my birthday and Arbor Day all rolled into one.

He definitely has a long way to go. But now we actually have hope that we may be able to have house guests some time in the near future. Speaking of house guests, did you see my mention of our pretty red couch? Then you probably saw that we also have 395,641 boxes, too. Once we get rid of those, we will also have a guest room. Come visit! Um. Not any time in the next month or so because Tyson might try to eat you. But maybe after Christmas?