O Solo Mio

Last night we went to the opera to see La Traviata.

It was all in Italian, of course, but there were helpful translations posted on a screen above the stage. Because we are in Bulgaria they were in the fascinating, yet challenging language of Mandarin Chinese.

I kid.

They were in Bulgarian.

But since I still am working on learning the language (which I wisely accomplish by browsing the Internet all day long and trying to come up with ideas for my next blog entry), it might as well have been Chinese.

Since I had no earthly idea what was going on, in order to make the experience an interesting one for me, I came up with my own story using my vivid imagination and spot-on intuition. It went sort of like this:

Act One: There's a girl. She's rich and definitely a tease, right? And maybe a little sick, too, since she coughs and rests her hand on her chest rather frequently. But being sick sure doesn't stop her from liking parties! And everyone at the party likes the parties too because they sing a lot! Her parents want her to marry that bald guy. I wonder if that's real champagne in those glasses? I wouldn't mind some champagne right now... and maybe a cheeseburger to go along with it... Hmmm... I don't think she likes the bald guy very much... although he's kind of hot... For some reason she seems to really enjoy the company of the older guy with the beard... but wait! She totally dissed him! I'm getting pretty hungry... I wonder where we'll go to dinner after this.... Man, I'd really like a cheeseburger right about now...

Act Two: Someone writes the girl a letter and it looks like she's writing one back. She's mad! At her dad! And they are singing about how pissed off they are! She likes the guy with the beard! Not the bald guy! No Bald Guy, Dad! I know he's hot, but no! And there's a bowl of fruit! On the table! It looks yummy! But not as yummy as cheeseburgers!

Act Three: Wow. This chick sure likes parties. And - hey! - there's more singing... Lots of singing.... okay, so it's good singing... but still, there's a lot of it... and because everybody needs more Flamenco dancers at their parties there's some of them too. And cheeseburgers! No, not really. Dammit. Some guy just threw his glove on the floor! Figgghhhttt! Fiigghhhttt! Oh wait. It's over? Is it over? I think it's over... Yes! We can go EAT!!!.... Oh wait. No one else is moving.... hmmm... isn't it over?

Act Four: Act Four?? Are you freakin' kidding me? GOD, I'm hungry! Can't a girl get a cheeseburger in this joint? Aw, the girl is sick. And possibly dying. And someone really likes to write her letters because she just got another one telling her the guy with the beard is dead. But he's NOT dead! He's there! And she coughs a lot and sings about how she's not in love with the bald guy... she loves him. And then she stands up, spins around, falls on the floor and dies! Yes! Yessssss!!!!! Let's eat!!!

In all seriousness, the opera was an enjoyable experience that I plan on repeating, although I might have to do some work convincing Ryan of this. I do, however, plan on eating beforeheand next time as you might have gathered I was a little obsessed with food. Specifically cheeseburgers. This sucks since you can't really get them here, at least in this town. Instead, I had a salad. And french fries. And some hot peppers. And also some vodka mixed with a sour cherry juice that is pronounced something like Vishni. Tasty stuff, that. Almost made up for the complete and utter dearth of cheeseburgers.

And, evidently, I was also a little over-preoccupied with the bald guy. I later found out he actually had nothing to do with the story at all. I looked up La Traviata this morning (you can find it here) and learned that while I am not entirely certain what I want to be when I grow up, I can cross one thing off the list for sure. I so do not have a future in opera writing.

However, given my fledgling career as a business mogul here in Bulgaria, I am now considering using my nonprofit to bring the wonderful world of cheeseburgers to Stara Zagora.